I Can Love You Like That
by WitheringSage
Summary: After a year, Raja and Ardeth return to Britain. Tristan confesses his love for Raja.
1. Chapter 1

**I Can Love You Like That**

_I can love you like that_

_I would make you my world_

_Move heaven and earth if you were my girl_

_I would give you my heart_

_Be all that you need_

_Show you you're everything_

_That's precious to me_

_If you give me a chance_

_I can love you like that_

_-All-4-One _

Chronology: Tristan is 26. Raja is 16.  


They rode to the fort on their horses, galloping at full speed. After a year traveling with her Uncle Ardeth, Raja was excited to see her friends again at Hadrian's Wall. Especially Tristan, she never went a day without thinking of her closest friend. The gates opened and Ardeth and Raja stopped to greet her Sarmatian kin. She could not suppress the smile on her face as she dismounted Odin, Horus squawking atop the black steed's head as she did so. Bors was the first to snatch her up in a big bear hug.

"Look at you, with the color back on your face! Lost that sickly pallor, you did."

"Thank you for noticing, Bors," she laughed.

He squeezed her one last time, giving Dagonet a turn to welcome her back.

The giant knight lifted her off her feet, but the embrace was gentle. "Welcome back, Raja," he said.

"It's good to see you again, Dagonet," she replied, grinning affectionately.

Gawain and Galahad greeted her with fierce hugs as well. Galahad's hands traveling a bit low on her back, a bold move on his part; Arthur cleared his throat in warning.

The half Roman half Briton enveloped Raja in his arms, a warm smile on his face.

"Welcome back, sister." For she was like a sister to him.

"Missed you, too, Artie," she said, returning the endearment.

"Cousin," Lancelot said, greeting her with a sly grin. However it quickly disappeared only to have a genuine smile light his face. He was sincerely happy to see her again. She had dark curls like him, long eyelashes, even some of the same mannerisms. They both possessed the same dragon carved trinket that their fathers had had, passing it down to their offspring. His hold on her was firm and warm.

"I missed you too, Lottie," she whispered, knowing he hated the name, but tolerated it anyway.

Tristan stood back, waiting his turn to collect her body into his arms. Her year off of the island had brought back the color to her face, a healthy glow emanating from her visage. She had always had poor health, but four years ago, after an attempted rape by a Roman in the woods, her demons from childhood had come back in full force. It only worsened, which is why her Uncle Ardeth had decided to let her travel with him for a time, giving her a chance to heal.

It was a year ago she left, and that year was one of the emptiest times of his life. She was not there to greet him with a warm smile after a mission, or braid his hair after washing the dirt, blood and grime away after said missions. There were not quiet rides or walks among the lands. She knew and understood him better than anyone else, and he had yearned for those eyes, those eyes that pierced his soul to let the light in. Now she was back, and he felt elation inside of him that only her presence could bring. He stepped forward, smiling an almost ridiculously happy grin, a very rare occurrence.

He swept her in his arms, not giving a damn that other people were present. "You look well, Raja," he said, letting her go reluctantly.

"I feel well. Better anyway." Their eyes locked onto each other, shutting out the world for a mere moment.

Ardeth had greeted everyone; his heart was lighter seeing his beloved niece smiling contentedly. He also happened to notice Tristan's gaze upon her. He was familiar with Galahad's glances, but this was a new one to him. He wasn't surprised though. Those two had always had something more to the eye, despite their ten year age difference. As Raja got older, their demeanors towards each other had subtly shifted. Over the past year she had grown from a young girl to a young woman, and to the eyes of the opposite sex, it showed dramatically.

"Come!" Arthur said. "You two must be tired from your journey. Your usual rooms have already been prepared."

"Thank you, Arthur," Ardeth told him. "Raja, why don't you let the stable hands tend to Odin this time?"

Raja was leading Odin to the stables, the knights having gone off to ready themselves for dinner. She hesitated; she much preferred to take care of his well being. Horus squawked again.

"You should wash and rest some," he told her in Arabic.

Raja nodded. Odin trotted over to Jols, the head stable master. He immediately sniffed Jols's person for apples. Jols was one of the few people Odin trusted as he did Raja.

"He'll be taken care of, Raja." Horus cawed a bit louder. Jols smiled. "And Horus too, of course."

"Oh, I know. They are both happy to see you, as am I, Jols." She gave him a warm hug. They had a good friendship, their mutual love for horses strengthening that bond.

----

Arthur and the men were at the round table, sitting at their usual places. They turned when the door opened, Raja entering first, followed by the intimidating figure of her uncle.

Tristan's breath caught when he saw Raja. The long brown locks of his hair cloaked his eyes as he observed keenly. She was wearing a one shouldered, dark blue dress that accentuated the silver of her eyes. A velvet sash strapped her curvaceous waist, a silver hilted dagger outfitting the belt. Raja had been wearing a long sleeved tunic earlier, but now her arms were bare of cloth, toned supple muscles. Yes, she had certainly grown, and it was not just his eyes that were taking notice. A clinching of his groin alerted him to this fact, as well.

"A dress!" Lancelot said blithely.

"I do wear them on occasion," Raja quipped.

"Like Galahad," Gawain joked, giving his surrogate younger brother a hard pat on the back. The knights laughed, Ardeth and Arthur smirking. Galahad was often teased about his "skirt." This earned a scowl from the youngest knight, a curse uttered under his breath.

Ardeth sat to the right of Arthur, and Raja to his right.

"You look beautiful, Raja," Arthur assured her. A slight blush crept to her face as the rest of her friends echoed the sentiment, all but Galahad, who could not stop staring, and was still smarting from the good natured insult, and Tristan who was simply speechless. He gave Raja the slightest of nods as compliments, which she and her uncle both saw.

Gawain poked Galahad in the ribs, none too subtly, giving him a look.

"Yes, uh...beautiful. Yeah," he blubbered, quickly hunching his shoulders, guzzling his drink.

Bors cleared his throat loudly. He raised his cup. "To brothers, and sisters," he smiled at Raja. "To freedom."

----

She was sitting on the boulder at their meeting place. Raja heard him and turned her head. "What took you so long, Trissy? I'd thought you had forgotten about me already."

He smiled at her jest. She met him halfway and he swung her over his shoulder and spun around.

She laughed. "Put me down! You'll drop me!"

Tristan set her down gently. "I'd never drop you." He embraced her again. "Gods, I missed you, Raja," he whispered, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair.

"Me too, Tristan. Me too."

The two of them sat comfortably against the rock in silence. Tristan stole glances at her, her hair was longer and she had filled out. She was a full-fledged woman now, and the stirring in his breeches was not letting him forget it. Although Tristan had never looked at her in a brotherly way, he was still hard pressed to describe his stance with her. On the whole, it didn't even matter, his relation to her. He was ten years her senior, and he certainly did not have these lascivious thoughts about her when she was younger.

Had it really been eight years since they had met at this very place? From her profile, her full lips were sumptuous, the nape of her neck smooth and inviting. But her eyes had always belied her age. And with them, did age matter? He saw her shiver, despite it being the early month of May.

"You're cold," he said, taking off his cloak and wrapping it around her.

"Thank you." She huddled in the large drape and breathed in the scent of nature that it held. Fresh dirt, hay, the smell of healthy grass. It was Tristan. "Tell me what you've been doing while I was gone."

"Hmmph. The same. Missions and battles." He waved it off.

"There must be more. Any new intriguing women?" She raised her eyebrows playfully at him. "A consistent lover?"

"Consistent lover," he repeated, as if the idea of it was completely ludicrous. In truth, he had been taking fewer women than usual, not that he was in the habit of acquiring an entire harem of wenches like Lancelot. Tristan was young and virile, and his sexual prowess was always vividly remembered by the women he bedded, although he could go months without.

"I shall take that as a no then." She took his hand in hers. "You'll find someone one day. A strong love, you deserve nothing less."

She had never alluded to him finding a permanent partner before, a serious one. She was being pensive. It was difficult to imagine him with any of the women at the fortress. Something always stopped him, never able to feel anything more than a sexual urge for any of them. Holding her hand, a displeasing thought sprang to his mind as to why she brought this up. "Did _you_ find someone while you were gone?" The very idea of it irked him, jealousy curdled in his heart.

Raja was silent for a moment. A deeply contemplative look on her face made him wary.

"Raja?" he said her name more sharply than he had intended.

She took a breath. "I have something to tell you," she said quietly, letting go of his hand.

He waited.

"I asked Uncle Ardeth not to say anything. I wanted to tell you first."

His body tensed with dreadful expectation.

"I was married three months ago. I came back to see you one last time."

All the air left his body. His mind was slowly absorbing what she had just told him. Raja...his Raja...married? _Like hell!_

"He is a good man," she continued. "He is in Greece awaiting my return. He cares for me. Demetrius is eighteen, smart, loyal, a good fighter. A really very kind man."

"Horse shit!" Tristan protested, springing to his feet.

Raja stood up to face him. "Please don't be angry with me."

"_Man?_ He's a whelp! Eighteen!" He cursed a blue streak in Sarmatian.

"I thought you would be happy for me."

He laughed callously. "Happy? _Happy?" _His voice was low, dripping with venom. "Married someone you don't even know, a _boy_ you don't even know! I can't believe your uncle allowed this!"

"Why are you so against this? You sleep with a plethora of women, forgetting their names, if you even knew their names in the first place, and do I spew contempt in _your _direction? Have I ever? I have never begrudged you for that."

"That's different."

"How is it different? I have one man, and you have I don't know how many women in your bed."

"Well now you have one _boy_ in your bed."

"Stop calling him that."

"Oh, he is a boy. Probably doesn't even know where to stick it." He immediately regretted that comment; he led the argument to the one place he couldn't bear for it to go.

"How do you think the marriage was consummated then?"

This rendered Tristan silent. Several expressions donned his face. Incredulity, disgust, not at Raja, but at the idea of...shock...disappointment. "You didn't. Tell me you didn't."

She sighed wearily. "You don't understand, Tristan." Raja looked in the distance wistfully. "A woman like me has to take what she can get."

"What do you mean a woman like you?"

She gave him a look that said he should already know. "A woman of noble blood, with no maidenhead to her name." She shrugged self-deprecatingly. "Tell me, Tristan, what man would take me as such? Too few."

He shook his head resolutely. "You deserve better than that. Any man would be an idiot to judge you based on that. It wasn't your fault."

"Are you that naïve, Tristan? You should know better. Whether or not it was my fault doesn't matter. I'm as good as nothing. I settled-"

"You've settled for a life of misery! What of all that talk of the love your parents had? Strong and unbreakable? You said you wouldn't have anything less."

"My mother was pure when she married. She was the most beautiful woman in the world who was blessed enough to find her other half. I'll never be as wonderful as her. Those were just fantasies of mine." A hard look glimmered in her eyes. "Childish fantasies."

"Not fantasies, Raja. You could have that."

At this she laughed almost hysterically. "This coming from you? A man who has never been in love. A man who pays women for a fuck and sends them on their way. Do you even believe in that sort of love, Tristan?" She waited for an answer. When none was forthcoming, she turned her back to him and closed her eyes. "You once told me that you've never loved any woman. So I always wondered if that meant you've never felt any love for me either. And not in a romantic way, but just any love at all. The kind a person just has for someone they care about." She looked up at the sky. "See that star?"

Tristan was jarred by the sudden change of subject. He looked where she was pointing and nodded.

"That's the North Star. If you look at that, you'll find your way home."

"And what if you don't have a home?"

She smiled at him sadly. "Everyone has a home. It's where your heart is. My _walida _told me that."

However many moments went by they did not know, standing in silence, the night suddenly bleak, until the words sprang from Tristan's mouth. "I love you."

She didn't look at him, but nodded her head solemnly. "Ever since I arrived, you've looked at me differently. I thought it odd at first; I couldn't understand the meaning of your sudden change in regard." Raja looked him straight in the eyes now. "And then I recognized it. You were looking at me the same way I see other men look at me. Lustful, you could call it."

"You compare my gaze to the majority of men?" He was offended. Two steps and he had her by the shoulders, head bent to meet hers. "I tell you I love you and that is your reply? I want a simple yes or no. Do you love me?"

"Of course I do."

Now he was bewildered, his grip tightening. "Then what the hell were you thinking marrying another man?"

She extricated herself from his hold. "How was I to know that you would ever confess your love to me? Or even act upon it? Would you have married me in time? Given up your freedom to bed other women to lay with only me? You're right, Tristan. I wouldn't have settled for less than what my mother had. Marriage isn't essential to me, but there is one thing that I've always wanted. A faithful, loyal man. Maybe that seems like too much to ask. Yet, it wasn't for my _baba_, so it must be possible. Could you be with one woman and not grow bored?"

"I would never grow bored of you! I'd give up anything for you dammit! How could you not know that? You should know my heart better than anyone! And now you're a married woman."

"So I am."

"You won't go back. You'll stay with me here. When I'm a free man, we'll marry."

Even to Raja this was foreign talk coming from Tristan.

"Tristan-"

"No. I can't stand the thought of you with another...gods, it makes me sick to even think of that little shit touching you."

"Tristan-"

But he was already hustling away.

"Where are you going?"

"To have a word with your uncle. This will be undone!"

She ran after him and pulled on his arm to stop him. "There's nothing to be undone, Tristan."

"Like hell. This crock of a marriage will be." He tried to walk away again but she held him back.

"There was no marriage, Tristan!"

He halted dead in his tracks.

"What?"

Raja let out a breath. "There is no marriage, no man. I made it up."

He jerked his arm from her. "You lied to me? Everything you just...you tricked me."

"I wasn't lying about loving you."

"You've made me look like a jackass."

"No, I was trying to get you to talk to me."

"I don't want to hear any more." He began to stomp off.

"So what, Tristan? Through with me already?" She saw him stop and his body stiffened. "Running away so soon? You're right, I know you better than anyone. The only way to get you to speak unguardedly and thoroughly is when you're completely incensed about something that doesn't please _you_."

Raja heard his knuckles crack as he clenched his fists.

"I apologize for going about it this way. I didn't mean to make you out to be a jackass, but I had to know. You'd have avoided me, become jealous when other men looked at me, then you would have grown so frustrated you'd drag any woman off to your bed to get my attention, and ease your mind."

He made no sound as she stared at his back for minutes. Then she sighed and removed his cloak. Her feet made nary a sound as she approached him and draped it over his shoulders. "You said you loved me, Tristan. I won't hold it against you if you walk away now. But know that if you do, all that we've said to each other this night, will burn to ashes." She then returned to sit against the boulder, to ruminate, listening to the breeze ruffle the life around them.


	2. EDITED: I Can Love You Like That

A/N: I thought the original was a bit melodramatic and rushed, and didn't really get the deeper aspect of Raja's and Tristan's feelings for one another. And the original dialogue was rather crappy. Plus, Raja was too smart at the end, her attitude was not her at this point in their relationship.

**I Can Love You Like That**

_I can love you like that_

_I would make you my world_

_Move heaven and earth if you were my girl_

_I would give you my heart,_

_be all that you need_

_Show you you're everything_

_that's precious to me_

_If you give me a chance_

_I can love you like that..._

_All-4-One_

Chronology: Tristan is 26. Raja is 16.

The familiar large gates opened, and for the first time in a year, Raja saw the interior of the fortress, the place that had been her home for seven years. Ardeth and Raja slowed their horses to a light trot. Raja's heart was beating faster than Odin's legs were moving. She had missed her Sarmatian kin terribly, even though she had enjoyed the traveling with her Uncle Ardeth the past year. The courtyard loomed closer and closer until Raja could see their faces clearly. Lord Ra and Odin came to a stop, and the two Egyptians dismounted. Bors was the first to pick her up into a big bear hug. He greeted her in Sarmatian and she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Dagonet lifted her off her feet when he embraced her. Her gentle giant. Dag smelled of various herbs, hay, and kindness.

"I missed you, Dagonet," she said.

"I missed you, too, Raja," he replied, setting her down.

Gawain and Galahad gave her strong hugs, as well.

"Artie!" Raja exclaimed, and all chuckled, hearing her childhood nickname for their commander.

"All right. Move aside. Let me hug my cousin." Lancelot smiled at his young cousin. He was happier to see her, more than he'd admit to anyone, of course. No one knew how much it had hurt to see her go, and how much he worried that he would never see her again.

"I missed you so much, Lottie." She said his name quietly so no one else would hear.

"Me, too, cousin," he said reverently, giving her a last squeeze before letting her go.

Finally, Raja turned fully to Tristan. He looked the same. Scraggly hair and beard, tattered clothing, watching eyes. He gave her a closed lipped smile as he approached her, but Raja knew that that laconic smile was filled with joy at seeing her. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she could not help but breathe him in. Her Trissy. The smells of earth, hay, horse, and nature encompassed him.

"Trissy," she whispered.

He didn't say he missed her; all his words were wrapped up in the hug he had given her. They had never needed words to communicate. Tristan had missed her so damn much that her absence was palpable. She had become an essential part of his life when she had come to Britain seven years ago. Raja had wrapped him around her little finger and burrowed her way into his heart, a heart he had long thought was too hard to penetrate. He didn't want to let her go, but he did.

Ardeth had greeted everyone, joyous to see them as well. Especially so to see his niece with a smile a mile wide. Despite the fact that she had been separated from the only family she'd known for seven years, he felt that the year away had been good for her. Away from the frigid winter of Britain. The sun of Egypt had shined upon her, like rays from the heavens. She had visited her parents' tomb, finally offering her some closure. But he knew he had to bring her back here. For one last visit? He would give her a choice to accompany him back to Egypt after the summer was over. She still did not know that this could not be a permanent stay, at least for him.

"You must be tired from your journey," Arthur said. "Your rooms have already been prepared." Ardeth's and Raja's belongings had arrived before them and had been put in their quarters.

"Thank you, Arthur," Ardeth replied in kind. He stopped his niece from leading Odin to the stables. "Let Jols take care of Odin this time, Raja."

Reluctantly, she complied, knowing she did need to rest. And wash.

"He'll be well taken care of, Raja," Jols said, approaching.

"Jols!" She gave him a big hug as well. "It is so good to see you!"

"You, too," he said.

Raja turned Odin over to Jols, who smelled the Head of Grooms familiarly. Lord Ra joined Odin in the welcoming sniff. Penelo made her appearance in the air, and Horus cawed in response, flying up to his winged counterpart.

They all dispersed soon after. The keep was the same, Raja thought. When she entered her bedroom, she saw everything was in the same place, and free of dust. The fire had already been lit; the drapes were pulled back from the windows, letting in rays of sunshine. She would have to unpack her trunks of clothes and trinkets, but later. She plopped on the bed, her legs sore from over a week of riding, her buttocks numb from sitting in a saddle. Raja still could not believe she was back. And seeing her friends! How wonderful that was. She had enjoyed her year traveling with Uncle Ardeth. Setting feet on Egypt's earth had been jarring though. It did not feel as if she was coming home. She recognized some things, but mostly she thought how very much it was different from Britain. And visiting her parents' tomb. An emotional experience. She had sat outside of it, her hands on the vault, sun beating down on her. Then there had been a strong wind rushing through her hair, and she swore she felt her _baba's_ and _walida's_ arms encompassing her. When she had collected herself, she had begun to speak, telling them of her years in Britain, about Trissy and Lottie, and how much the latter looks like you _Baba_, she had said.

Raja had a while before dinner. She contemplated whether she should rest or bathe first. But her head hit the pillow and she was fast asleep.

--

When the two Egyptians entered, the knights were already seated at the round table. They stood up and sat as Ardeth and Raja did. She was wearing a simple cut, lavender dress with a square bodice. Her long, black locks hung straight down her back, along with the iridescent white streak among them. Tristan couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was so beautiful. For once, that admission was not accompanied with guilt or self-reproach fast on its heels. From the moment he first held her earlier that day, she felt different in his arms. She had developed over the past year. She was a couple of inches taller, though she still did not reach his shoulder. She was more curvaceous, though still possessed gentle lines. Best of all, that guileless sparkle in her silver eyes had not dissipated in the least. But she felt like a woman in his arms, but still like Raja.

They reminisced over dinner, easily falling back into camaraderie of friends and family. Raja snuck peeks at Tristan. Her heart beat like thunder behind her chest, going a year without one's best friend had been difficult. They hadn't had a chance to speak privately yet, as she had slept the afternoon away. But she knew they would come together, just the two of them, before the night was over.

Ardeth didn't fail to notice the invisible tie that connected his niece and Tristan from across the circular table. Ah, so it begins, the Egyptian thought. Yes, Ardeth had suspected this might happen upon their return to Britain. Raja was a young woman, as beautiful as her mother, Aisha had been. No doubt, Tristan was well aware of the woman in Raja. The scout had seen the budding woman in Raja before he left, too. But the scout had remained at a distance, for which Ardeth was grateful. Raja would not have been ready for the intensity that love brings, the connection not only of souls, but of bodies. Tristan understood that. Ardeth trusted him.

Dinner ended, bellies full. Ardeth and Arthur had business to discuss, so they went to Ardeth's study. Raja accompanied the knights to the tavern. It was rare she spent an evening with them like this, but it was her first day back and she wanted to spend it with them. Lancelot and Tristan flanked her as they entered the raucous establishment. Vanora spotted them had held open her arms to hug Raja.

"Look at you!" Vanora exclaimed, holding her at arm's length.

Raja blushed.

Someone demanded more drink, so Vanora apologized and went off to return to work. Lancelot sat across from Raja and Tristan next to her. She was unaccustomed to the loud atmosphere, bawdy taverns not having been one of her and her uncle's many stops during their travels. But she was glad to be there with her friends. She sipped heavily watered ale while the others were served pints of frothy liquid.

A buxom woman insinuated herself next to Lancelot and gave him a smacking kiss on the cheek. Raja lowered her head, hiding her smile in her cup. She was slightly jostled when Galahad plunked down next to her. She could feel the heat coming off of his skin he was so close.

"It's good to have you back, Raja," he said, all smiles. "We missed you."

"I missed you all, too," she replied.

Tristan heard a tone he didn't like in Galahad's voice. Ingratiating, flirtatious. Lancelot heard it too, as he had used – although better executed – the same demeanor many a time when it came to wooing the women. His dark eyes darted from the woman on his lap to Galahad, who was obviously trying hard not to look at Raja's bodice. His cousin had to be the most modestly dressed person in the room, also the nicest. Still, he did not appreciate the sweaty pup's eyes on his cousin.

Tristan was perfectly still next to Raja. He couldn't believe Galahad was flirting with her with him and Lancelot both at the table! He felt jealousy and indignation curdle in his gut.

Raja was slightly uncomfortable with Galahad so close. There had been a moment in time when they had been closer, lips locked in feverous kisses. But that was a long time ago. She was clutching her cup between both of her hands, and her palms were becoming sweaty. Maybe it was the memory of Galahad's utter rejection that so disconcerted her. Only a few hours after they had parted that year ago, she'd found him emerging from a horse's stall in the stables with a woman, still flushed from his first intimate moment in a biblical sense. Had she been so forgettable or unsatisfying that she could push a man into another's arms mere hours after sharing something she had perceived as special?

Lancelot was becoming frustrated with Galahad. Couldn't he tell that Raja clearly didn't appreciate his attentions? His eyes flicked towards Tristan, his unspoken partner when it came to defending and protecting Raja. It was obvious Tristan didn't like it either. Good, they were still on the same page. Lancelot whispered something in his wench's ear, and she smiled and hurried off, returning in moments with another wench arm in arm.

"Galahad!" Lancelot said. "This is Stella."

Stella was blond and generous up top. Lancelot's wench none-too-subtly pushed Stella towards Galahad, and the blond purposely fell onto his lap.

Lancelot winked at Galahad, who had a shocked expression on his face, or maybe it was shock from the enormous bosom that was level with his face.

"Well, I think I'll go check on Odin and Horus now," Raja said, standing up. Might as well escape while she could. She gave Lancelot a kiss on the cheek for she figured she would not get a chance to see him the rest of the night. Tristan got up and left with her, leaving a still ogling Galahad in their wake.

Fresh hair hit them like an ocean breeze. Raja had to shiver. Tristan gave her his cloak and she wrapped the large garment around her, unconsciously taking in the scent of the cloth. Their strides matched one another's as if they were one body and not two. They walked slowly towards the tables. When she was younger she would have put her smaller hand in Tristan's bigger one. Now, she held on to his elbow and leaned into him.

"I missed you, so much, Trissy," she said.

His heart fluttered hearing her nickname for him.

"Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I would be half-asleep and be thinking about something I would want to tell you. Then my eyes would open, and I'd remember where I was, and realize you weren't just a couple of halls away from me." Raja looked up at him. "It was so odd not having you close to me."

"Me too," he said. He stopped under the moonlight and reached into his pocket. The ruby eyes in her dragon trinket glinted in the moon rays. "Here."

Raja had given it to him, a tangible promise that she would return. Tristan slipped it over her head. She touched the carved wood that she knew by heart and clasped it against her chest. "Thank you for keeping this safe." She was so overwhelmed with emotion that she threw herself into his arms. He returned her embraced unabashedly, her soft body wrapped within his arms. He felt her breasts against his chest, her meadowsweet scented hair under his chin. His member in his breeches was beginning to respond, so he gently extricated himself from her. Now was not the time for her to know the extent and depth of his feelings for her. But he vowed she would know soon. Tristan didn't know how long he could go with his heart restrained like this.

--

If Lancelot had had any doubts that his cousin's year abroad had changed her into a full-blown noble woman who was now accustomed to fancier things and events he was proven wrong. He was slightly ashamed to have had that niggling doubt, but a few days after her arrival, and he walked into the stables to see her harnessing Odin, three empty baskets at her feet.

"You're just in time, Lottie!" she said.

His face was comically bemused. "Time for what?" He was eyeing the baskets. Those baskets.

"Adonis is all ready."

And indeed his black steed was. Raja handed Lancelot two baskets for him to carry, and she carried one. He knew this all too well, and was nostalgically pleased to be so easily coerced into the flower-picking exoduses that she often made them come on. Once she had picked a field, they dismounted and Lancelot followed her around with empty baskets as she selected them methodically then carefully placed them in the baskets. She was still his little cousin, inside, he let go of a rush of relief. She had not been corrupted by riches and snobbery, high fashions and expensive cosmetics.

About an hour later, she finally said, "I think we have enough."

"We," he snorted. "These flowers are all _yours_, cousin."

Raja laughed. "You know you've missed fresh flowers, Lottie!"

When they returned to the fortress Lancelot bid her and her feminine frippery goodbye. And a few hours later when he entered his room in the keep, he saw a vase of freshly cut flowers on the table, and for certain the other men had flowers in their rooms, too.

After sorting out her flowers, Tristan and Raja caught up with one another to play a game of chess. They were in her room, sitting across from one another. He had a mug of ale next to him, and she a mug of peppermint tea. As she contemplated her next move, examining the board carefully, Tristan examined her. The light glinted off her ebony hair, and he wanted to run his fingers through it, tuck a stray strand behind her ear while letting the tips of his fingers whisper across her skin. Raja's tongue was slightly jutting out of the corner of her mouth in concentration, her full, luscious lips. He felt his groin tighten.

"Ah!" she said. Long, graceful fingers reached out and situated one of her pieces. "Check."

Tristan's mouth tightened, back on the game. He grumbled something under his breath, not seeing any viable moves. Raja was watching him with a playful grin on her face. Both elbows were on the table and her chin rested on her fists. He was keenly aware of her gaze but did not meet her eyes. So the two danced around one another without moving. For Raja, she wasn't sure what these budding feelings inside her meant. Within the last year she had been in Britain before she left was when she began to feel physical things inside of herself, things that scared and titillated her at the same time. They were the strongest when she thought of Tristan. Just as they were strong now. His hands were tough and large, she knew what his hands felt like...but would they feel differently if he was to touch her like a man touches a woman? The thought made her stomach flutter, and once again, that strange feeling between her legs.

These feelings were something like she had felt when kissing Galahad that day so long ago. But what she had felt with Galahad was only a fraction of how she felt even thinking about Tristan. She wondered if Tristan thought of her as a woman...or simply his young friend. Did he truly see how she had grown? Was he aware on a visceral level? It had taken her time to get used to her own bodily changes; going from hate and disgust to uncomfortable and shy of it. At worst she was merely self-conscious.

Tristan grumbled again and made the only move he could at the time.

"I think we're at an impasse," she said, after several moments of contemplating her next move.

He chuckled and took a drink of his ale.

Raja looked down at the floor, extended her arm, and a mouse scuttled up her appendage. "Hello, Ginger." The tip of her finger petted the small mouse on its head. "She was just waiting for me on my pillow last night," Raja told him.

Her words brought an erotic image to his mind. Her head on a pillow, hair spread out like wings. Her...naked and waiting for him, then him, covering her like a shield and...

--

Lancelot really did not like the way Galahad was looking at his cousin. And he had the audacity to be so blatant about it. Did he actually think he had a prayer with her? It was morning; they were in the tavern having a quiet breakfast. Lancelot sat across from Raja, Tristan to Raja's right, Galahad on her left. At least he wasn't slobbering over her like he had been last week. Ginger the Mouse was on Raja's shoulder.

"What are you doing today, Raja?" Lancelot asked.

She instantly brightened. "Tristan is helping me put up birdhouses." She playfully nudged him in his side.

Her cousin chuckled. "She's back and she already has us holding baskets and serving the birds." But he loved the way she fell right back into their lives.

"Need any help?" Galahad asked.

"No," Tristan answered before Raja could say anything.

"Oh, look, there's your lover, Galahad," Lancelot said, an impish smile on his face.

Galahad turned around and saw Stella heading for him. One night of bedding her and she was constantly at his heels. She was an enthusiastic bed partner, but every time he was trying to have a conversation with Raja...

Lancelot said goodbye to his cousin and Tristan as they left to cater to the woodland birds. One of his lovely possums smiled at him as she served him drink. Already his cousin was fading from Galahad's mind. Served him right. No man was right for his cousin if he couldn't keep his eyes off of other wenches. What did he think? That his young cousin was disposable? A passing fancy? The dark knight saw the way other men observed Raja, even Gawain, but he knew Gawain would do nothing. Galahad, however. As much as he didn't quite like the idea of Raja being wooed, if she was to be, it wouldn't be by the likes of Galahad. His cousin deserved a real man, one who could take care of her, one who would understand her, and be gentle with her. Galahad was much too immature for that. His cousin was complex and sensitive, and didn't need any bumbling fool courting her. She needed someone steady, loyal, someone who knew her...someone like...Tristan. That notion hit him like a rock in the head. Would that work?

Finally, Stella departed, having to head to work. Once she was gone, Galahad shot daggers at Lancelot. Gawain turned his full attention to his hot-headed friend.

"What is your problem?" Galahad spat.

Lancelot gave him an innocent look. "I have no problem."

His face began to turn red. "Every time I speak with Raja-"

"My cousin," Lancelot interjected pointedly.

"A grown woman!" Galahad reminded him.

"Dear boy," Lancelot told him, his condescending manner obviously infuriating the younger man, "if you truly, truly were attracted to my cousin, you wouldn't go off with other wenches such as you do. It's disrespectful."

Galahad laughed harshly. "Oh, this coming from you."

His dark eyes were serious. "My cousin is no wench. And she doesn't need you flirting with her, and then you going off with a whore later on in the night. How do you think that would make her feel?"

As always, Galahad's mind reeled when Lancelot spoke so about his cousin. It was mind-boggling to hear him talk about respecting a woman and considering her feelings. But he had always been protective of his cousin, but Galahad hadn't expected this sort of problem. He remembered kissing Raja, and quite frankly, wanted to do so again. He did care for her, but they were not betrothed, so why could he not bed another woman in the night?

"Raja is your friend. Nothing more."

Galahad's hand curled into a fist. "She can make her own decisions. Raja likes me." Gods, he hated nothing more than being treated like a childish idiot.

Lancelot smirked. "As a friend, I'm sure. And she can make her own decisions. But you have no intentions of giving her the undivided attention she deserves, so I suggest you avert your whoring ways to others better suited for you." He went in for the kill. "Besides, I don't imagine Ardeth would appreciate you treating Raja like a typical dalliance. Imagine if you hurt her feelings!"

He was silent. His eyes flicked towards Dagonet and Bors who had remained silent during Lancelot's tirade.

"I wouldn't take kindly to anyone hurting our Raja," Bors said, stuffing a piece of bread into his mouth.

"Perhaps heeding Lancelot's advice would be in your best interest," Dagonet said.

Lancelot smiled at Galahad. "Glad we had this talk."

Soon, only Gawain and Galahad were left at the table. Gawain was smirking at his younger friend, having thoroughly enjoyed the scene.

"It's not funny," Galahad sneered. "She does like me."

"What makes you so sure?" Gawain asked.

Never had he told anyone of Raja's and his shared kisses. But now, Galahad leaned across the table and quietly told Gawain. But he made the mistake of telling him about what he had done later that night, too.

Gawain reached over the table and slapped him upside the head. "You idiot."

"What?"

"Maybe you could get away with that with any other woman, but Raja? She's too nice."

"She wasn't angry!" Galahad insisted.

"Of course! Because she's too nice! But did you think that she might have been hurt by it? Walking in just as you were coming out of the stall? Gods, man."

A nugget of shame flushed his face.

"Take Lancelot's advice, Galahad," Gawain told him.

--

Tristan couldn't help keeping his eyes locked on Raja's backside as she climbed the tree to set up the birdhouse. She was wearing a pair of hose and a light blue tunic, a sash tied around her waist, emphasizing her soft curves.

"I got it!" she called down to him.

She scaled down carefully, making sure she didn't lose her footing. Tristan didn't need to, but he helped her down the last few feet, if only for an excuse to touch her. Raja liked him touching her; it sent chills throughout her entire body. Sometimes she caught him looking at her with a glint in his golden eyes she'd never seen before. Raja wasn't quite sure what it meant, but that glint mirrored how she felt. She wondered if he could ever love her like she loved him.

They were standing close, somehow stilled by the other's close proximity. Raja looked up at him, and the world stopped. Her heart beat rapidly.

Tristan wanted to kiss her. Kiss her in a different way than that one time he had over a year ago. That kiss had been a goodbye one; he wanted their next kiss to be filled with the future. She was so close. All he had to do was lean down, just a little...

But Penelo and Horus interrupted.

Raja startled and stepped away. "They're probably hungry."

"They know how to hunt."

Dyne and Odin trotted into their clearing.

"They don't," Raja said.

"Yeah," he grunted under his breath.

They rode back in silence, their moment having passed, but the energy still charged.

"Thank you, Trissy, for helping me today."

He impulsively reached out his hand to squeeze hers. And she squeezed back, her eyes intense and inquiring.

He wanted to tell her he loved her right now. He wanted to scoop her down from the saddle and embrace her, kiss her and take her breath away as she did his. But the horses still moved, and he let her hand go as people came into view.

--

Raja was sharing dinner with her Uncle Ardeth later that evening. They were in his study. Ardeth could tell his niece's mind was preoccupied with many things. She had been spending a lot of time with Tristan, and he continued to see the expression in the scout's eyes, one he knew all too well – love, desire. He imagined it was what his own dark eyes looked like when he would set eyes on his late wife Inara. Yes, he knew love very well. That look in Tristan's eyes was the same look Raja's father, Lancelot, had had for her mother, Aisha.

Over the year, in the places they'd visited, Ardeth had been approached many times as to Raja's availability. If she was already married, if not, was she betrothed? What was her dowry? Their family name was well known in Egypt, and Raja would have been well asked for in any social circle. But that would never be done. Their family was a long line of marrying out of love. Ardeth would never set his niece with someone he did not trust implicitly. A man would have to be someone extraordinary for him to feel that Raja was in good hands. Someone who would not be uneasy because of her past. Someone who would not shy away from her because she had been ravaged by three beasts.

"Uncle Ardeth?"

"Yes, little one?"

Raja set down her eating utensil and put her hands in her lap to hide her twiddling thumbs. "How...How do you know if someone is in love with you?"

Ardeth smiled softly. "I am not sure if one can know for certain if someone is in love with them unless they are told."

She bit her bottom lip. "Did you know that Aunt Inara loved you before she told you?"

Ardeth chuckled fondly, the image of his beloved Inara bringing both a stab of pain and joy. "I did not know for certain. We met only a week before Memnon and I were shipping out."

"Tell me again how you met," Raja interjected, her eyes alight and ready for a romantic tale.

His own smile could not be wiped away. "Your uncle Memnon and I were shipping out from Alexandria. We had a week before we were to set sail. Our faction was invited to a party, where I met your aunt Inara. I knew I loved her from the moment I set eyes on her. We spent as much time together as we could those seven days. I wanted to ask her to wait for me, for I would be gone a year, but I felt I could not ask that of her." He sighed, remembering. "I said goodbye to her the night before, and I told her I loved her. She did not return the endearment, I only later learned that she was just speechless, and I had departed too quickly before she could collect herself." Ardeth chuckled and shook his head lightly. "The next morning, as I was walking up the plank, I heard someone calling for me. I turned around and Inara was pushing her way through the crowd like a bull to get to me. I ran towards her and she was telling me she loved me before we even reached one another. She said she would wait for me. I could only manage sending a few letters to her that entire year, but when the ship docked a year later, she was there, waiting for me."

"And you were married three months later," Raja finished.

He nodded and took a sip of his wine.

"I wish I could have known her."

"As do I. I know she would have adored you."

Raja saw the sad look in her uncle's eyes. How awful it must be to have one's true love taken away from them. There had been Irisi, but it wasn't the same, no where near as close. It's not everyday that a person can find that one somebody to love them like they want to be loved.

--

Despite Lancelot's words that morning, Galahad continued to sit close to Raja. She was in the tavern with them again that evening. Tristan had had it up to here with Galahad's obsequious ministrations.

"I'm going to go say goodnight to Odin," Raja said. She had to get out of here. It was loud and raucous.

Tristan left with her, not liking her walking around in the dark alone.

"I am going to say goodnight to Odin," Raja said, "but mostly I just wanted to leave."

"You want to walk then?" he asked.

"All right." She took his arm again, and their footsteps led them to their place in the forest. It was a clear skied night with many twinkling stars and a full moon.

"You okay?" he asked. They sat down in front of the creek.

Raja hugged her knees to her chest and rested her chin on her kneecaps. She had to know if Tristan loved her. She could simply tell him that she loved him, but if he didn't feel the same way, what then? Their friendship would become strained. Maybe she was too tainted for him. She obviously was not that great of a kisser either because Galahad had went off with another woman mere hours after kissing her. Perhaps there was something about Raja that didn't inspire fidelity.

"Did you meet anyone while I was gone, Trissy?" she asked quietly. "A woman?"

Meet a woman? He hadn't even bedded a woman in five months, and he had no compunctions to either.

"What if I met someone?" she asked tentatively.

His heart skipped a beat and the hairs rose on the back of his neck. "Did you meet someone? While you were away?"

She didn't answer right away. Raja just wanted to know if he loved her. Then she could tell Tristan that she loved him. If she waited too long he might get tired of waiting.

When she remained quiet, he began to get a bad feeling. "Did you meet someone, Raja?"

"I..." She cleared her throat and sat up straight. "I wanted to be the one to tell you."

His face went slack.

"I was married."

Tristan didn't want to hear her. In fact, he thought she was joking, but when she didn't break out into a smile he nearly died.

"In Greece, I was married," she went on. _What am I doing? What am I doing? _"His name is Demetrius. He's eighteen. Very kind-"

Tristan shot up to his feet and stepped away. Raja got up to.

This couldn't be. Tristan stood stock still, facing the creek, staring at nothing. How could she be married? Taken away from him before he truly had her? His beautiful Raja. Married? And to some juvenile! No one knew Raja better than he. Did this Demetrius know her patterns of breathing? Could this Demetrius read her face like a book? Did this Demetrius remember all the names of her animal friends, and be able to identify one from another? Did he know to stay close to her when she was around new people? Especially men, to make her feel secure? Was he completely and utterly comfortable when she cried, did he know that no words were needed to comfort her? Just steady arms and a loving heart?

"_No!"_ Tristan growled. The sound was so inhuman that it startled even Raja. "How could you do this, Raja?"

"I..."

"Do you even love him? Trust him? How could Ardeth allow this?!"

"I didn't have many options," she said.

"Options?"

"Because I'm me. I have no maidenhead, and my options are limited." Her heart was beating so fast it made her entire body shake. She wanted to take it all back. She hadn't imagined Tristan would be so angry.

"That is ridiculous," he said harshly. "Anyone who would even consider that is a fool, and doesn't deserve you!" A took deep breaths. "Damn it," he hissed. "Damn it."

"Tristan..."

"I'll undo this," he said, more to himself than her. Tristan looked her straight in the eyes. "I love you, and I will undo this. I won't let some other man, a _boy_, have you!"

She had to force her legs to move, chase after him. He was going to go to her uncle! "Trissy, no! It's okay."

"It's not okay." He kept walking.

"Wait!" When he kept walking, she blurted. "I lied, Tristan! There's no Demetrius!"

He stopped cold, three feet in front of her. He turned around. "What?"

Raja was shivering from trepidation. "I just wanted to know if you loved me."

He was quiet for a moment. Then, "So you told me you were married?" His voice was flat and it worried her.

She swallowed a lump in her throat. Her voice was dry. "Yes. I'm sorry. But I didn't know how to... Because if I told you, and you didn't feel the same way..."

"Told me what?"

She inhaled shakily. "That I love you. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, Trissy."

He was still reeling from the fact that she wasn't married. His relief was mixed with anger that she had lied to him like that. But she lied because she wanted to know for certain if he loved her. And...she loved him, and was frightened that he wouldn't feel the same way. He laughed. Then laughed again.

"I'm sorry."

When he looked up she was standing by the creek looking so alone with her head down and cloak wrapped tightly around her body.

Raja felt him beside her and hastened to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"Don't ever do that to me again," he finally said.

She stared at him uncertainly. He wiped the tears from her eyes with the pads of his thumbs.

"Don't ever do that to me again."

Raja nodded.

"Thinking of you with another man kills me, Raja."

Her brow shot up in surprise. "It does?"

He half-smiled. "I don't think any man likes the idea of the woman he loves with another."

"You're not angry?"

"I was. But I can never stay angry with you. I know why you did it."

"I won't ever do that again."

"Say it again, Raja."

She gazed at him for a moment before she understood what he meant. "I love you, Trissy."

Tristan grinned. He tucked her hair behind her ears, and her eyes closed when he caressed her face. She felt the heat of him near her lips, until his touched hers. He started softly but couldn't hold back. He pressed her to him and devoured her. His tongue prodded her lips until she opened for him, and their tongues danced. Her arms went around his neck to hold him tighter. His hands explored the expanse of her back, gliding down until they settled on her hips. Heaven and earth careened around them, and the only thing that kept them grounded was their hold on each other.

Raja felt something jabbing into her lower stomach, but ignored it. She was too invested in kissing Tristan. He was so powerful, yet tender with her. She couldn't trust anyone better to give her heart and soul. She had to catch her breath when they broke apart.

He rested his forehead on hers, her face cupped between either of his hands.

"My Raja," he whispered.

6-22-08


End file.
